Tag: myself

Pen and paper

Thank god I got pen and paper.
If I would say out loud what I think
some people would kill me.
If I would whisper the feelings i have
even my friends would turn their backs on me.
If I would do what I want to
the police would put me in jail forever.
If I would show what the world means to me
the doctors would lock me away.
So I write all those things down.
On this all patient paper.
With this emotionless pen.
Just to lock those sheets away.
Far away from myself.
All what I am.
Put away in that safe place.
Where even I can’t reach it.
Gone for good.
So that I can walk straight out of the front door.
See all the things I just wrote about.
And still being able to smile.
– sanados

time to move on

So I tell myself to move on.
I have to move on.
There is no use in running in circles.
For all those years just circling.
So I tell myself to move on.
Thinking back to those days.
Lucky moments.
Time of joy.
Long past.
So I tell myself to move on.
Ban all this dreams.
Let go of the hopes that are left.
Stop imaging what could have happened.
Stop imaging what could be.
So I tell myself to move on.
Drop everything that has any worth to me.
Finally start a life for my own.
Start a life with my own.
It is time to move on.

– sanados

Finally

All this walking around.
Forward, backward.
Circles, yes, most times in circles.
Mile after mile.
After some time i found the way.
A straight line.
A long one.
I started running.
My shoes start to wear out.
I wonder how long they will last.
It’s been some time I’ve been running around.
Following the path in front of me.
Occasionally tried to break through the walls beside me.
Just to look down and continue on the path in front of me.
Left with some scratches on me.
Every now and then i find some water.
Even some food i managed to catch.
Just enough to stay alive.
Just enough to keep me on the track.
Only some miles more.
I try to tell myself.
Looking down this path.
Starring into an endless horizon.
Never asked how far i have to go.
Never dared to ask why i have to take this path.
I just know it is worth it.
What could be worth all of this?
Sweated my shirt long ago.
My trousers are worn out.
My hair and beard start to hinder me whilst walking.
Make me stumble and slow me down.
This long path in front of me.
And i am getting slower and slower.
Then i tripped and came to a halt.
Here I am now.
Kneeling and asking.
Is it really worth.
Then she took me in her arms and said:
“Finally you waited for me.”

– sanados